My three-year-old’s honest confession:
“I’m mad at you. I don’t want to be happy … but I love you.”
His scowl as he spat these words at me was so fierce it took me aback. My head spun, and I breathed in. My big, pregnant belly has been making me quite short of breath lately, and dizziness often follows these moments.
“I understand. And it is okay to be mad at someone you love, but that doesn’t excuse being mean or rude to that person,” I replied.
I’m not a perfect mom, but I try.
I work — often way too much — but I hope that my full-time job shows my boys the value of determination. I want them to know that they should always pursue their ambitions with all they’ve got — no doing things “halfway” here. My kids drive me bananas and half the time I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. But they make me laugh, smile, and love to a degree I never even imagined was possible. And I love them … so much.
The other day, my husband came home from work and asked how the day had gone. I told him the truth: “Dante did great with potty training, but had an awful attitude all day. Dean was wonderful.”
I guess the look on my face clued him in — “how are you feeling?”
“Breathing is a little tough, my back hurts, and Fitbit got mad at me for only sleeping a few hours last night.” (31 weeks preggo and the insomnia due to discomfort is hitting HARD.)
He offered to bathe the kids, which I gladly accepted. I sat in peace downstairs, but I could still hear the bickering of the boys in the tub. And my sweet husband try to calm them down, getting more and more exasperated with each passing moment.
I started working on my blog post, as I said I would. But who doesn’t love some multi-tasking? As I wrote, I was unabashedly roasting marshmallows with a BBQ fire-starter. My own personal helping of kitchen table s’mores definitely hit the spot!
TIP: When you’re pregnant and can’t indulge in a glass of wine, solo s’mores do the trick just fine.
Like I said — I’m not perfect.
Sometimes when I’m in full-mommy-mode, it’s overwhelming and I need a break. I’m 35 and just a few weeks shy of welcoming baby D3. I get exasperated at the multitude of doctor’s appointments that we both have, but I know it is necessary as mommy-hood found me a bit later in life. There are a myriad of facebook posts and people that may see my life as wrong, or ridicule-worthy, but darn it — we all find our paths in our own ways.
Confession: I’m not perfect, and I’m not sorry.
- I have a job that I can call my own, and that can sustain us all if ever the situation came to that. I lived a lot of my crazy notions before venturing into the craziest adventure of all: motherhood. For this, I’m glad!
- Even though I love to cook, I prep all of my family’s meals for the week on Sundays. I’ve had people tell me (in the nicest way possible) that I’m lucky that my poor husband is willing to eat re-heated food. (Why, thank you so much…)
- I also suck at cleaning. As much as I try, the mop knows I hate it, and therefore leaves streaks, or better yet, leaves our feet dirtier than before I tried to mop. I’m not perfect, and I’m not sorry.
- If I tried to cook every night that would cut into my time after work with my family. I am SO OKAY with microwaving a healthy, balanced meal for two minutes. It allows me to play and share that much more of my day with all of my boys.
- My dirty floors? They’ve been taken care of. We recently invested in a housekeeper who comes every two weeks. She is our angel. I know what I can and cannot handle, and I have the ability to accept my shortcomings. For this, I’m glad!
- My kids are precocious, strong-willed, and very opinionated. I am well aware of what I have, and even though I’m trying to teach them the best I can how to treat others, and how to address their feelings in more polite ways, sometimes it doesn’t really stick as much as I’d like. I’m not perfect, and I’m not sorry.
- Do I get mad and maybe sometimes have not the nicest thoughts? Yes … so why should I begrudge them their feelings when we all have our bad days? Hopefully their strong characters will help them to overcome peer pressure someday, or advocate for themselves if they are ever treated wrongfully. If we can come to the point where they can discern when to be vocal or be quiet, I think I’ll be on the right track. For this, I’m glad!
Go ahead and indulge in your solo s’mores — or have a glass of wine for me — I won’t tell. Relish in your perfect imperfections. They are what breed humanity and humility within us. Don’t allow anyone to judge you or make you feel less than you are.
Be glad for the good, the bad, and the ugly — and never apologize for the beautiful, imperfect perfection that is you, your family, and your life.
Don’t ever be sorry for not being perfect.