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Innocent, Inappropriate and Irresistible: Toddlers at their Finest

If you’re a parent of a child old enough to talk, then I know that you know what I’m talking about when I speak of the toddler logic train.

They think it one second and then they say it the next — all the while leaving us with to deal with red faces while we try to hide our giggles. 

My little ones strut around with their chests puffed up and quote Toy Story, “What’re you looking at, you hockey puck??” They knock on the bathroom door, and inquire of me, “What are you doing, mommy? Pee or Poo? I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!”innocent toddlers-square

I knew kids were sponges, but nothing quite prepared me for what was going to come out of their cute little mouths.

Innocent (yet inappropriate) kid sayings that make me chuckle:

“Mom, where are his balls? Awwww… he lost his balls…” 

It was in reference to a toy pig – I swear. The toy maker finagled this device where a plastic ball was placed in the pig’s mouth and if you squeezed his tummy it launched the ball across the room. The toy came with two balls. 

Really?? Who launches balls from the mouth of a toy and DOESN’T expect the embarrassing moment in Target when the kid yells – “LOOK! I PUT THE BALLS IN THE MOUTH, MOMMA!!!” Irresponsible toy makers: I say shame on you, as I duck down, red-faced in the greeting card aisle shushing my cackling two-year-old. 

(Pointing with his middle finger) “Mommy, I’m very mad at you. You need to fix that attitude.”

My four-year-old innocently points at anything and everything with his middle finger. I tried as hard as I could to stifle the laughter as I watched him flick me off (unbeknownst to him) while lecturing me with his right eyebrow raised in earnest. 

At least he understands that a negative attitude is not allowed??? (I knew he was a little parrot. But when my own words come to bite me after a grumpy day, I couldn’t help but marvel at his internalization of my lesson on negativity.) That finger, though…

“Mommy, my peepee is saying hello!!”

He woke up… happy? Shall we say? And he thought it was the funniest thing that he was sticking out of his underwear.

*FACEtoPALM* Put. It. Away. He just kept laughing — and his dad was at the gym, so there I lay, listening to his giggles, repeating, “It needs to go back in your undies…”

“Is Diego in your belly? I don’t see him…oh, wait (peering into my belly button) there he is!!! (waving) Hi Diego!!!!”

I love that the boys are so excited about their new baby brother. It makes my heart flutter to see them so actively imagining their new brother with such enthusiasm.

The fact that they say they can see him through the magical window into my uterus  known as my belly button is HILARIOUS. Except that one time…when Dante spontaneously stuck his head inside my shirt and yelled “HELLOOOOOOO BROOOTHEEEERRRRR!!!!” While we had company over for dinner. 

Life with the littles is crazy. Their toddler logic is definitely still developing! Through ups and downs, inappropriate toys and innocently uttered phrases that sound as if they are coming from the next Super Troopers movie, they make life a wild whirlwind. 

But that’s just part of all the fun — you know what I’m talking about, right? Post your kids’ inappropriate yet innocent sayings below!

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One Response to Innocent, Inappropriate and Irresistible: Toddlers at their Finest

  1. Giana May 10, 2018 at 9:18 am #

    Hilarious!

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