My world, my stars, my moon and sky just turned the big FIVE. When my son, Maxon, was born, I had a pretty good idea of what was about to happen. I simply was not prepared for how FAST it was going to happen. I know, I know. Everyone tells you that childhood goes quickly and you should enjoy every second of your kids’ growing up years. But, much like a million other aspects of life, I truly don’t know how fleeting these moments would be until they had already passed me by.
My son says things that truly make me stop in my tracks and question how in the world he ever got so smart, so funny, so charming, so passionate, so perfect. (Of course, he usually and quickly follows that up with a poop joke or nose pick, but that’s neither here nor there.)
My point is that, more often than not, I’m overwhelmed by this feeling that I missed the part of his childhood where he actually grew… So, I sit and mope thinking I’m doing a terrible job as his mother because I don’t know where he learned the phrase, “Actually, I find it interesting that their muffler is so loud.” Excuse me, whaaaaatttt?! Who even says that?! What kind of 5-year-old is this?!
So, to my little one, here are my wishes as you speed through childhood.
On one hand, I am beyond pleased with your ability to learn and catch on so quickly. But on the other hand, please, please, please stay my teeny tiny baby forever and ever and please get back in my belly so I can feel your hiccups and know you are safe with me.
It’s a constant battle in my brain, and I just want to shout, STOP GROWING! KEEP GROWING!
Stop growing because I want you to be little for all eternity.
Stop growing because I miss your little fat baby thighs.
Stop growing because I miss the way you mispronounced hospital for months (hawstable).
Stop growing because you don’t fall asleep in my arms anymore.
Stop growing because you don’t give me sloppy cheek kisses anymore.
Stop growing because you hardly ask me to sing ‘Que Será, Será’ as you drift off to dreamland anymore.
Stop growing because you don’t fit in your Where The Wild Things Are costume anymore.
Stop growing because I selfishly want you to always need me.
So please… stop growing.
Keep growing because I know you have to.
Keep growing because you love to learn and read and write.
Keep growing because you are destined to be anything you want to be.
Keep growing because the world needs your spunk, your wit, and your humor.
Keep growing because I want you to reach your goals.
Keep growing so we can take your training wheels off.
Keep growing so you don’t need that nightlight.
Keep growing because we have so many more amazing moments to experience as a family.
Keep growing because I want to see the person you will become.
So please… keep growing.
The Perfect Combination of Heartbreak and Excitement
Quite the conundrum, huh? I guess for now, I’ll take it one day at a time (as if I can do anything else). I’ll try to slow moments down for myself without hindering your growth. I promise to correct you when you mispronounce or misuse words (no matter how adorable it may sound). I will encourage your dreams and aspirations. I will be here for you as long as you will let me be. I will do everything that I can to make sure you are a happy and healthy child that will someday be a happy and healthy man.
But most of all, I promise to always want you to stop growing and I promise to always want you to keep growing, my little love.