Adventures in Sleep Training

7

sleep trainingI’m in a state of disbelief. I walk out of my son’s nursery and stare blankly at nothing and then make eye contact with Robert, my husband, shake my head and exclaim, “What.is.happening???”

HOW is this happening?

Let me back up a bit.

I’ve gone through the sleep training routine now twice with Jacob. Generally, he sleeps though the night but since March, he has refused to go to bed without one of us in the room, standing or sitting with him until he falls asleep. If he sensed movement he would shriek and throw a terrible tantrum. I would try to leave the room and let him cry a bit, because I know I’m supposed to let him self-soothe. But somehow, he’d learned how to get me back into his room: he’d throw up. Almost immediately. I don’t mean that he got so worked up that he ended up vomiting.

He MADE himself throw up. In defiance.

This terrified me. I was held captive by the fear of my son being, frankly, so ticked off that he’d vomit to make me come get him.
This fear lasted for about 4 months. 4 MONTHS of standing in his room while we waited for him to fall asleep. 4 months of exhaustion and frustration and a lack of interest in doing anything after he finally drifted off to sleep.

Then one day after 60 minutes of putting Jacob down, picking him up, putting him down, picking him up until finally he calmed down and went to sleep, Robert emerged from Jacob’s room and said, “No more. I am convinced that this has to stop.” And he was right. That’s the kick in the pants I needed. My husband was fed up. I was embarrassed that we’d let it get to this point, and in my secret heart I knew that this was not good for Jacob, not to mention my marriage. I committed to re- sleep train Jacob the next night.

We prepared ourselves. Lined up all of the cleaning supplies, a spare set of jammies, and extra sheets.

True to form, Jacob threw up within the first 5 minutes of crying. Robert and I split roles. He quietly put Jacob in the bath, I cleaned, changed the sheets, got everything ready for attempt #2. The first night, Robert stayed with him until he fell asleep, but I was committed to letting Jacob fall asleep solo the next night.

The next night, after 10 minutes of crying, true to form, our baby threw up. I picked him up and bathed him while Robert did clean-up duty. After Jacob was dry and in new jammies, I read him one book, put him in his crib and walked out. He cried for 6 minutes and then stopped and went to bed.

Cue the sigh of relief. Progress.

Night #3: Jacob cried for 8 minutes and guess what-NO VOMIT! My former, pre-mom self is laughing that I’m even celebrating this statement “no vomit.” 8 minutes. Asleep. That was it.

Night #4: We did our bedtime routine. We set up for vom-ageddon, and you know what? The kid went into his crib voluntarily, I covered him with a blanket and he just snuggled in and let me walk out. Not a peep. WHAT???? Cue the complete disbelief.

Relief!
Relief!

After 4 months of dreading every single bedtime, total anxiety about what would happen each night, Jacob took 3 nights to learn to go to sleep on his own.

There are a number of reasons why I let it get so bad. I was afraid, attached, I didn’t want Jacob to suffer, felt guilty, etc. But Jacob was ready. He just needed the guidance and then the independence to work it out on his own. We’re in the 3rd week of this new phase where Jacob will now just go down to bed after his bedtime routine.

I keep kicking myself about waiting so long, but I’m also trying to forgive myself. I haven’t gotten out of the disbelief phase…every night I walk into the kitchen after bedtime and just shake my head and laugh at myself, laugh at us. I’m reminded that Jacob is growing up, that he is increasingly independent, and that means that I need to let him be a big boy sometimes. Robert and I are back to our favorite routine of cooking dinner together and sharing our evening meal one on one, catching up, talking about our weekend plans. I think we are all happier for this progress.

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rachelcarreon
Rachel Carreon grew up in the north suburbs of Chicago and has since lived in Portland, Oregon, Strasbourg, France, and Phoenix, Arizona, but is most proud to call the Rio Grande Valley her home. She works full-time for a national education non-profit as a leadership development consultant, and was formerly a teacher in a k-3 self-contained special education setting. She lives with her husband Robert , their 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter. They also have a blue heeler mix named Huck. Rachel loves cooking for friends and family, running outdoors and all kinds of exercise, and playing outside with her family. Rachel is excited to build community with readers, to share a bit of herself, and to learn from others and their experiences.

7 COMMENTS

    • I have had three boys and cosleep with all of them. never had a sleepless night either and when they got old enough to sleep by themselves in their own bed they were old enough to understand and didn’t cry at all.

  1. Why was my comment deleted?
    I feel like parents who are considering cry it out methods should know the actual physical risks involved with this sleep method.
    For those who didn’t read, my baby cried so hard she vomited. Then she choked on her vomit an stopped breathing. Imagine this happening to you. There’s a reason we drink liquids while our bodies remain vertical. Our windpipes and esophagus are so close together.
    While my baby is ok and our family did NOT intentionally let her cry, why would a parent intentionally out their baby in a situation where that can occur? Please answer me this.

    • Hi Amanda,
      Your comment was not deleted, but if it was a Facebook comment it will not show up any longer here. We cannot moderate Facebook comments and felt that abusive and extremely hurtful language bordering on cyberbullying was being fed here through an anonymous Facebook group and it was necessary to remove the application entirely. If you commented on Facebook, it is likely still there.

      We welcome commentary from all sides of an issue, as long as they are presented respectfully considering that all parents have the freedom to make their own decisions when it comes to parenting. While some may disagree with one side of an issue, the inverse is also true. There may be risks to every choice a parent makes, and crying it out happens to be one option that this mother tried among millions of other parents.

      Co-sleeping has its risks, too, and if a parent so chooses to raise their child then they have a right to do that as well. Some may disagree with this choice and consider it dangerous, too. That is their right to an opinion. Our group of writers at RGV Moms Blog represent the whole spectrum from letting our children cry it out to not letting our children cry if we can help it.

      I encourage you to read up on crying techniques and their methodology if you wish to know more about how they work and why parents find success in those methods. Thank you for sharing your personal experience. You make a good point about monitoring your children, which is something these techniques include, too.

  2. I think the whole letting your child cry it out is actuelly hurtful to your child. I work with children almost everyday at church and on Sundays with age two . When the parents drop off their kids for the first time they always cry, it normal. I have seen and watch the difference in children whose parents slowly encourage their kids to be in the nursery verses the kids whose parents make their child cry it out. The children whose parent make their children cry it out are always very sad or angry, they sit by themselves and do not want to interact with the other children. They do not want to interact with crafts either.. To me this sounds very much like a close relationship to autism. The anti social disability. When kids feel secure and loved they generate love to others. You are not spoiling your child by loving them. you can still teach them to be independent with out emotionally abusing your child by using the cry it out technique. I have three boys and they are all very loving and secured children now because I taught them to be independent in a less dramatic way. If you force them to be indepenant you might end up with the opposite child. one who is very much dependent and I speak from my own experience from when I was a child.

  3. Commentrs, I noted before that my child is not an infant, he is 17 months old. when I explained the situation to my pediatrician she recommended that I let him cry for a few minutes. I stayed by my son’s bedroom door to make sure that he was ok, the vomiting was not a result of crying too much or too hard. The doctor said that this was an attention-seeking behavior, as he did it almost immediately after I left the room. This was not done because I am a cold, heartless mother, but because my son was actually vomiting in order to protest his bedtime. For the record, we did co-sleeping both in our bed and in his room, and when he was an infant I nursed him to sleep every night. I never let him cry it our until he was 16 months old, and frankly he only cried for 8 minutes at most ever. I stayed right next to his room each time. Now he finishes his bottle, and reaches for his crib, I kiss him and tuck him in, and he snuggles in to go to sleep. He is a happy, healthy baby. 8 minutes of crying 2 nights in a row, and you all have accused me of being a terrible mother and have suggested that there is something wrong with both me and my baby. This is supposed to be a community of support. We all parent different ways. I asked for advice from my pediatrician and did what she suggested. There was an edge of sarcasm in my post. I realize that. That is because the whole situation after so much fear and guilt leading up to it, was resolved in two days. I’m terribly disappointed by assumptions made, without actually knowing me or the situation, and the over the the top conclusions drawn by many of you. Thank you to those who posted encouragement.

  4. […] said no. I will never let them sleep in our bed. I will never give a pacifier. I will never let you cry yourself to sleep. I will never lose patience. I will never be angry at them. I will never give boob over two years […]

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