I don’t want any more kids… Sorry, Not Sorry!

Ok, enough with the judge-y eyes. Yes, you too mom! I said it, and I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m completely fine with my daughter being an only child and you should be too. I have legitimate reasons, keep reading, you’ll see.

  1. I can’t imagine loving another baby as much as I love my daughter, nor do I want to find out. I don’t think my heart has room for loving someone else as much as I love her. I honestly do feel like it’s impossible. I am completely and utterly obsessed with her, to say the least. I live, breathe and eat Isabella… yes I eat the leftovers on her plate as she feeds me. The thought of feeling this immense love for someone else just bewilders me. My mom had four of us and she swears that she loves us all the same, but I know she’s lying. (C’mon, every mom is lying! Right? They have to be!) There has to be a favorite kid, and I don’t want to feel like I have a favorite, so I’ll just stick with my one and ONLY favorite. 
  2. The first child is always the better behaved, the more successful, helpful and the more independent child. There’s even research behind this logic. Plenty of it, I’m sure. I am a first-born child, I am living proof… right mom? My daughter is absolutely perfect, she’s calm, sweet, kind, curious and brave! I’m sure baby number 2 would just be just terrible, bratty and awful. Well, that’s what I’m afraid of. In fact, it would be terrible of me to compare baby number 2 to his awesome big sister. I really don’t want to be that mom that says, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
  3. There isn’t enough room on the bed for 1 more tiny human. Yes, my daughter sleeps with us. There’s no shame in that. She is a nighttime ninja in her sleep and I can’t imagine having another baby in the mix. I get kicked, punched and practically scooted off our king size bed by a tiny 2-year-old toddler. She’s the sweetest thing during the day, but oh-so-vicious in her sleep. I guess I could move her into a toddler bed, if needed. But I’m so used to her little toenails digging into my back while I sleep, it’s almost comforting now. She’s my forever and ever cuddle bug.
  4. 39 long, Long,  LONG hours in labor. The hardest, scariest and most intense hours of my life, to be exact. The epidural wore off pretty quickly, and I could feel everything. I mean EVERYTHING! I don’t think I need to explain much more on this reason. It’s pretty self explanatory. Moms, you totally get me, right?!
  5. I’m a single mom for 2 weeks out of the month. My better half works on a two weeks on / two weeks off schedule. So the two weeks he’s away, I’m basically on my own. I’m in charge of the house, cleaning, laundry, baths, dinners, snacks, grocery runs, packing lunches, ironing clothes, bedtime schedule, school drop offs, school pick ups, brushing hair, brushing teeth — oh, and I’m on dog duty too. That’s just a bit of what I do as a part-time single mom who also happens to be a full-time working mom. I don’t know how a another baby would fit into my schedule. 
  6. I don’t want someone else raising my kids. I’m not trying to sound rude or mean about it. I just wish I could stay home and take care of my daughter. I’m jealous of all the stay at home moms. Yes, I admit it, jealous. But on the other hand, I’m always grateful I have a job and I love what I do. When my daughter was born and I had to leave her to go back to work, it was one of the hardest times of my life. Leaving this tiny, precious, defenseless being was so overwhelming and emotional. Even now that she’s 2, leaving her is still hard. I’m her mother and I love her and want to be with her all the time. I’ve acknowledged that it’s not possible for me to stay at home, so therefore I don’t want to go through feeling guilty of leaving another baby as well. Hey, if I can win the lottery and stay home, then maybe we can talk about baby number 2! 
  7. What if I can’t get pregnant again? I have been diagnosed with PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It’s a hormone imbalance that causes enlarged ovaries with small cysts. It’s the number 1 reason for infertility in women my age. My doctor had told me that I was going to have a hard time getting pregnant, if I even could. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, it was exciting — yet so terrifying. I never thought being a mom was going to happen for me. As much as I had always wanted kids, I was mentally prepared for the outcome of being alone. My daughter is truly a heaven sent miracle by God. After she was born it was as if I was born again, born to be a mother, her mother. I don’t want to go through the stress of “What if” I can’t get pregnant. The stress of trying and trying, just to fail and be disappointed. I don’t think I can deal with something like that. 
  8. I’m not married. I really see myself as a traditional person who has lived her life an untraditional way. Growing up, I always thought I would get married young, have two or three kids and live happily ever after. In all honesty, I am very happy with my life and what it has become. I share my heart and home with the love of my life and our beautiful daughter. But a part of me still wishes and hopes to be married one day. (Hint, hint, if you’re reading this babe; this is me trying not to be so subtle.) Life can be complicated and messy, but if you’re with the one you love, nothing else matters right? And maybe, just maybe if I was his wife, I would be more keen to the idea of baby number 2. Every dad wants a son, don’t they? 
  9. I’m an old mom. In the eyes of traditional Hispanics, my family included, I am an old mom. I was 30 when I had my daughter. My family had  almost given up on the thought of me finding love and starting a family. I don’t feel old, but my age does scare me when I think about her and the future. When she’s a senior in high school, I’ll be almost 50! I will be old enough to be someone’s grandma! I don’t want to die young, but life always has other plans. I’ve always thought I would die young, even before my daughter was born, those thoughts have lingered. One of my biggest fears is leaving her when she’s still so young. Thinking of leaving 2 children behind just breaks my heart even more! I know I shouldn’t think like that, I’m healthy, I’m fine. I know what a self-fulfilling prophecy is. It’s just hard to measure the time I have on this earth as enough, now that I am a mom, her mom.
  10. We live in a scary world. There’s so much chaos and so many crazy things that happen in the world we live in. It’s a terrifying thought of bringing a new life into this big, scary world. So many bad people doing God awful bad things — it’s horrible. How can I think of bringing in a new life into this crazy place? Yes, there are good people in this world too, but is it worth bringing another innocent life to see, grieve and bear our reality?                                                                                      

I gave birth to my best friend. We have shopping dates, dance parties, late night conversations and movie marathons. She truly is my little best friend. Nothing or no one will ever compare to her. She’s my mini partner in crime and Mommy’s favorite person in the whole wide world. You can’t have two best friends. You can’t have two favorites. It’s just impossible — at least  in my book.

She’s it for me. Another baby would just make our dynamic and this fabulous duo disappear. I love her with all that I am, and she is enough. My heart is full. 

 

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