The Bickers & The Sours [Bullying]

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bullyingFor those of you that know me (and those of you that are beginning to), know that I have been a victim of bullying during my childhood, adolescence and even adulthood in the workplace. This idea that bullying has gotten worse is right; I don’t think I could’ve survived growing up today!

When “friends” are bullies.

I remembered always hanging out with the boys and wanting to be their friends because the girls always seemed to complain, bicker and sound sour. Into my junior high years, I would receive “restricted” phone calls while on the other side of the phone— where girls on 3-way would tell me to watch my back , to lay off “James,” to not to speak to “Matt” or to look at “Jorge.” It was ridiculous, but at the time I truly thought that I was doing wrong in having boys as friends. Then, in high school, the attacks kinda mellowed and I realized I HAD to step up to my bully, Amy B.

You see, Amy B. had been my very good friend since sixth grade and followed me to junior high and high school… but then, boy troubles. Jealousy struck and the bickering and sourness began. My heart ached because she was so dear to me, yet her hurtful words like “thunder thighs” “Fat Butt” (in other terms), and “boy hoarder” resounded in me until I literally popped! Then, as I grew up and began my career, there were still those mean, bickering, sour girls. If I wasn’t “sharing ideas” I was stingy, if I was “sharing ideas” then I was a show-off… UGH! It seemed the bullying would never stop.

Learning to deal with the bickers & sours.

Ok, so now that I took you back through my last 20 years or so, my point is that, as mothers, we’ve interacted with those people that complain, bicker and sound sour— but now, it only makes us stronger and wiser. Now my five-year-old, whose heart is gold, is experiencing indifference and the “wanting to belong” or “wanting to be liked.” And I totally get her. She’s a mini me in her social personality. Yes, I have told her to stay away from those girls. Yes, I have reminded her that she’s unique and nobody will be like her. Yes, I have told her that others have different views but hers don’t have to be like theirs. And yes, I have warned her of the bickers and sours.

Ultimately, I know that she’ll have to get a stronger inner grip and create her own shell, but I can’t help but want to fight it out for her… I know what it’s like to feel smaller than dirt and dirtier than mud with car passing through. I know she knows she’s special, unique and amazing and I know that others will feel intimidated and challenged by her “specialness,” but we are here on this earth to inspire, help and love each other. I often wonder: how would I have faced things, if only I knew I was special, unique and amazing at 11? It’s not that my parents didn’t love me, but, rather, it was my silence and lack of wanting to speak out in fear of my mother going ballistic and making it worse.
As for now, I’m taking it day by day, and when the opportunity arises to touch on life lessons to survive, my daughters will have the tools they need and will use them wisely.

Have you dealt with bullying? How are you talking to your kids about the issue?

 

3 COMMENTS

  1. I was bullied in middle school and it was over boys too! I gravitate forward boys because they were less drama! I received threatening emails and after about a week of it, I told my mom. She then went with me the principals office and we pressed charges against those girls. They, of course, stopped. Come high school year, those same girls apologized to me for their immature antics and we actually spoke and hung out a few times during those high school years. Believe me, when I see bullying happening to my son, it hurts me, but I have to be there for him and let him know his worth, let him know that people that are mean are not worth his time! Same thing goes for my daughter when she gets older. As long as I continue to have an open relationship with my kids I know it’s a battle that we can fight together, but a battle they eventually will be able to fight all on their own. Great article, thanks for such wonderful insight!

  2. Thank you Veronica and I wished I was as brave as you during those tough years , but you’re right..open relationship is e key and a relationship that no matter what mommy will stand beside them and love them regardless. Your son has a great defender !!

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